Do It Afraid

Over 10 years ago, God gave me a vision.

I was standing on a platform, delivering the message to a room full of people. With that vision, he spoke one word to me. "Fearless".

I was serving in student ministry at the time and I remember being so excited to tell our student pastors that God gave me a vision that we should talk to the students about being fearless. It seemed so obvious at the time. Of course, that's what God must have meant.... Or was it?

Over the last 10 years, I’ve had the opportunity to speak from the platform many times within my church. I have spoken to students, at Women's conferences, at prayer meetings, and even on Sunday mornings…. And yet- I’ve never felt like this specific vision has been fulfilled. My home church is a multi-site, non-denominational church that over 6000 people call "home". But even with all of that opportunity, I still feel like I'm chasing that vision. I think I have always known deep down, that God was calling me to something bigger than myself. Something bigger than one message. Something bigger than just my community.

From a young age, I’ve always been a talker. My elementary report cards prove this to be true. I think I got a “U” (Unsatisfactory) every year for “talking in class”. (My apologies to every teacher!)  I’ve been told I talk too much and too loud, so much so that I began to try to quiet my voice. I tried to push down the desire to talk, to share, to open up, to speak, often apologizing for this part of me.  But if there’s anything I know to be true, it’s that the enemy loves to kill potential. Why fight a full grown enemy when you can just kill it in its infant stages?? It's strategic warfare if you think about it.

However, despite the enemy’s plans, I have been surrounded by brothers and sisters in the faith who have encouraged me to speak up! I have spent the last 8.5 years working for my home church, moving up into a position of Executive Leadership. My mentors have encouraged me, have coached me, have given me opportunity, and have celebrated my wins with me. Sometimes

I am hard on myself for just now really walking out God's calling on my life... but I refuse to forsake the preparation season. I am better because of my time spent in growth. My personal experiences are greater and my relationship with the Lord is deeper. I am not and will never be, perfect. However, I want to always be obedient.

I am not sure I have ever been more scared of a step of faith in my life.... which takes me back to the very first day that God gave me this vision. I laughed to myself when I finally realized that God knew all along how I would feel with this big, scary idea of His. And he told me from the very beginning to do it afraid. Be fearless.

I am encouraged that this is not about me. It's about obedience. Of course, I hope that by putting myself out there, God will answer with opportunity to share His heart and speak His Word. BUT- if not one single door is opened, I will know that I humbled myself before the Lord, that I submitted my life to His plan, and that I walked in obedience. And that is good enough for me.

So here we go. My voice is no longer quiet or hidden. I pray that God uses me to encourage you in all the areas of your life.

With love,

Stephanie